i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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