i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
