tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
