I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
