So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize