Need sex. Gaining weight.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
