He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
