Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
