Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
