well I can't set my house on fire every night
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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