it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
