I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
