the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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