): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize