hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
