She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
