you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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