I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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