you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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