he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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