Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
People in love make me want to vomit
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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