Porn is love you can see.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize