I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
