i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
