i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you mean i was at the winter classic?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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