the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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