he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
