? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
As shirtless as possible
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
