shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
