Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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