Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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