About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
