New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
