Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
