I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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