As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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