____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
