remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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