cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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