Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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