I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
