Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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