his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
