He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it was like eating out sand paper
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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