I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
