I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
