Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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