Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
