I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
