Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
