and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
