Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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