somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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