it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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