can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
