1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize