Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
