I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
