you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
