she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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