so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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