We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's official drugs can't kill me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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