Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
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I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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