is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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