Nicole vs. Life
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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