All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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