Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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