I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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