meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
