I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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