You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
