Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
