I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
