listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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