Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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