used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
