too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You took a bar mat shot.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
