My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
