Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
