Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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