SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
