every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Ladies don't puke and tell
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
