Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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