omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
