I got chris browned last night
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
