How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
